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  1.  What is a submissive?

   2.  Is submission Sexual?

   3.  Is submission about receiving pain?

   4.  Where can I find more information about dominance and submission?


What is a submissive?

Websters Dictionary defines "submitting" as 1 :to commit to the discretion or decision of another or of others  2 :YIELD, SURRENDER

A submissive is an individual that "chooses" to place his or her control into the hands of a dominant personality. To yield or surrender his or her own choices to another person.  We seek out these types of individuals because we need validation of some kind.  Can you imagine standing in front of a mirror and playing both roles?   Impossible.

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Is submission sexual?

Sometimes, it is.   

 Submission like sex, shares one commonality.  Exposure.  You're revealing a lot about yourself by the mere act of submitting. 

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Is submission about receiving pain?

My Mistress calls it "sensation play". I am a pain pup. That is to say, that I am an avowed Masochist. In my early days, I thought I was a pervert because I wanted "pain". I needed pain. I told myself that I must be a bad person because of this and should be punished. Punishment allows us to embrace our masochism in a more "justified" manner. We take on the "I'm a bad person" and need to be punished persona in order to get what we want and sometimes need. For others, receiving pain is the means needed to become submissive. It does not always involve receiving pain (though personally, I am more than a bit of a pain pup). It varies with the individual. I will not attempt to explain the rationale behind my needing pain. Some experts would ascribe it to an "endorphin addiction". For me, it's a ride on the wild side; I soar and fly in my own freedom of self. I know that my Mistress will guide me through this journey and bring me back to earth, safe and sound; happy and whole once more. The basic thing is to acknowledge the need within and act accordingly.

In all things, caution and moderation should be the rule of the day.  Experiment with sensations.  Don't be afraid to say "NO" to something that scares you.  Set limits and boundaries.   Identify which boundaries are non-negotiable and which limits are expandable.

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Where can I find more information about submission and dominance?

The following is a list of books available, both online and in some of the larger book stores. These books can help answer some of your questions regarding the psychology of why we do what we do.

Almost all of these books are available online at or

SM:101   by Jay Wiseman; Greenery Press ISBN# 0-9639763-8-9

Sensous Magic  by Pat Califa.  

The Bottoming Book: How To Get Terrible Things Done To you By Wonderful People; Easton 

Consensual Sadomasochism: How to talk about it and how to do it safely; by  William Henkins, Daedalus published in 1996

Erotic Power: An Exploration of Dominance and Submission;  ISBN # 0-8065-0968-6  

S & M: Studies in Domminance & Submission; ISBN # 0-87985-978-X

The following are just pretty good books... for different reading... humor, information, etc.

Miss Abernathy's concise slave training manual ; San Francisco, Greenery Press, 1996 ISBN # 0-9639763-9-7

Erotic Tales of Women's Power....By Her Subdued......(and) No Other Attributes; Rhinocereos, c1995 

Submissions;  New York Masquerade Books Rhinoceros publishing ISBN # 1-56333-207-8 

Different Loving: An Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance & Submission;  NY Random House, 1993 ISBN # 0-679-40873-8

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance & Submission; NY Random House, 1993 ISBN # 0-679-76956-0 

Mistress Mine  Masquerade NY 1993 ISBN # 1-56333-109-8 

Masochism;  Zone Books 1991 ISBN # 0-942299-55-8

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism; Mystic Rose Books, 1995 ISBN # 0-9645960-0-8 

Venus in Furs; NY Blasts Books 1989 ISBN # 0-922233-01-2

The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners by Lady Green; Greenery Press Lady Green describes how to do an SM Scene in a simple step-by-step way.  For someone who's very nervous about trying SM, this is the most non-intimidating book that we've seen.    It has sections on sensations, playing with roles, and helplessness.   

Getting Her Interested by Lorelei; A practical guide for the submissive man who wants to encourage his partner to develop her dominant side.  How can you first introduce the subject? What should you avoid saying or doing?  Lorelei includes guidelines for your first scene. 

S&M: A Players Handbook by Lady Tanith A guide for novices, with sections on starting to play, toys & techniques, and finding a partner.  

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